as I said, things are good now and I'm happy. but I'm not terrific. I've always felt like I need to have a job, to make my own money and be self-reliant to the greatest possible extent. because relying on someone else is a point of weakness. if you become dependent on others either financially or otherwise, these buttresses can collapse and you will be far less stable, if you're still standing at all. I know it's not a great mentality to have, but it's what I've got.
and it's just a pride thing. I don't want to be the kid who lives with his parents and spends money they worked for. right now I'm back to living with them and not paying rent. I don't ask them for money and I haven't for probably over a year, so it's not like I'm mooching. I couldn't live with myself if I felt I was being a mooch. but I'd rather be moved out, living on my own. that'll be a long way off at this point, but hopefully sooner than later.
so I'll continue to spend the money I've saved up from my last two jobs until I find another one, or I'll spend away the savings I worked so hard for until I really do have nothing to my name.
for those of you (both of you) who will read this: a good blog post goes somewhere and says something, as you well know. it should feel like listening to a good speech or watching a well-crafted short film. this post was more like me thinking out loud and ultimately getting nowhere from where I began. you coming upon this post is the equivalent of walking around downtown and passing in front of a homeless man talking to himself, starting straight ahead, oblivious to the fact that you are there and might be expecting something intelligent to be behind all the words. so you stopped to listen to a rambling bum who said a lot of nothing. tell me, do you feel creeped out now? (and do I smell like stale urine?)
