oh, "college"!

every time I open the door to the men's restroom at starbucks I be sure to look in the mirror to see if anyone is lurking behind the door, because I know the one time I don't is the time I get stabbed.

I'm sitting here alone under the ice cold air vent trying to find information on mercury levels in vaccines. I have to present an informative speech thursday five to seven minutes in length, and I have yet to do a damn thing.

the ONLY reason it takes so long to get a college degree is to see if you can put up with years of meaningless shit, not to actually make you any smarter. and once you have a paper proving you can put up with years of meaningless shit, you'll get hired by a company to do thirty more years of meaningless shit. the end.

Dear loud Chaldeans at the gym,

(if you're wondering what a Chaldean is, it's someone who owns a liquor store in El Cajon. or their cousin does.)

stop dropping the weights on the ground when you're done lifting them. I know you're thinking "Loud noise must mean I'm strong, bro!" but that's not the case. keep doing your bi's-and-chest workout, but do it more quietly please - set the barbell down like an evolved hominid.

stop standing in a group by the freeweights talking about how you went up to the guy at the party and said, "look, bro, I stabbed two fools over there! we run shit!" because I'm simply not impressed. all you run is your mouth and a rundown playground in El Cajon where you kick it with the homies. honestly, I'd be much more impressed to see you run on a treadmill and acknowledge that there are other muscle groups.

Regards,

Brian

P.S. - I'm not racist. I'm not hating on all Chaldeans. there are some there that I know and who are cool. but you other guys - and you know who you are - just knock that shit off. thanks.