a year ago I was less focused on Christmas and the holidays, anticipating my imminent departure from the fair-weathered southern California and imagining what my life would be like in the near future living and working in Seattle. now I'm back home looking for a job - just like I have been for the past three months - and all the money I made in the last year seems irrelevant. it's like wearing your high school letterman jacket in your late twenties once you're overweight and out of shape. you peaked too soon and you have nothing to offer now except fond memories of what you used to have, but you act like it still means something.
the sad fact is I'm making no money. yeah, I saved some up from before and I'm trying to be frugal with it. but whether it's going away quickly or slowly, what does it matter? my balance is only going down.
I feel like it's time to quit living in the past, take off the jacket, stop acting like what I used to do makes me cool, and delete my bloggies. I should present myself as what I currently am... not much at all with nothing to offer. you can only go up from that point, right?
