Tuesday, April 13, 2010

English 120, take 2

I'm neither an optimist nor a pessimist. If I had to classify myself, I would say I'm a realist (which often leans more toward pessimism in our overly optimistic, you-can-be-anything-you-set-your-mind-to society).

you can call the glass half empty or half full, but the fact of the matter is that the volume of the glass is twice that of the beverage contained therewithin. cry about it or jump for joy, that's all on you.

fuck English classes. you want us to write a three page analysis on a five page short story, showing that we engaged thoroughly with the material? how about you go thoroughly engage your mother while we write anything about anything we want. if it comes out: 1) in proper, well-formed English with varying sentence structure, showing a knowledge of the rules and good taste in breaking them; 2) in a unique voice, avoiding cliches and banal ass-banter; 3) showing good overall structure, using tact and style to build up to an intelligent thought worth hearing... then we don't need you.

analyzing writing is inferior to creating an original work of your own. the purpose of analysis is to learn what the author was thinking in their development of their idea so that you can eventually develop your own ideas. when!? I'm fucking sick of analysis. I'm done with training wheels, you twat. show me how to do backflips.

5 comments:

gamgee said...

jesus christ! i couldn't agree more. i remember english 120... that's what it was: a whole lot of f*cking NOTHING about NOTHING that i didn't give 2 shits about! at least i got to choose my topic for the research paper at the end. (and it was on disneyland, of course). anyway, i liked this. you should actually turn it in.

Anonymous said...

i like what you wrote. sometimes your pessimism overrides the logic though. sorry babeeeebeeee.

]3rian said...

I totally should, j. I'll hand it to him and say, "This wasn't assigned or anything, but here's a well-written rant on why you suck."

oh Gina, my Gina! ... you're right. you know me too well, I can't lie to you and get away with it.

Chris Jones said...

Pretty much. Also, kudos for "ass-banter." I lol'd.

]3rian said...

that was my favorite part too. your compliment brings peace to my soul.